Hey Lara, thanks for sharing! Pleeease be aware that it is not your fault that your parent splitt up! Nothing you did, and no parental disciplin would have changed their relationship, think of it as your parents would have splitt up anyway and because of you they stayed together for longer. I hope you still see your dad.
If your interested in spanking, why not meet likeminded people in your area? Got to »informed consent.com« or »fetlife.com« and chat with people, go to a munch, go to a play much, go to a play party and »feel amazing and powerful« again ;)