Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant, who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar, who could drink you under the table,
David Hulme could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Heigel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just about as sloshed as Shegal.
There's nothing Nietschze couldn’t teach about the raising of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed!
John Stuart Mill (of his own free will) on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for a dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart »I drink therefore I am!«
Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed!